


YOU, Suppress Those Sparkles!

by notaverse



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Forbidden, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-01
Updated: 2011-10-01
Packaged: 2017-10-24 05:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaverse/pseuds/notaverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More glamorous than Watergate, glitzier than the X-Files and much, much prettier than the Roswell aliens, it's the Great Akame Conspiracy! Why is it that Kame and Jin spent a few years giving each other the cold shoulder after being so close? If their relationship is that bad, why do they look so happy in those rare, unguarded moments when you can actually catch them interacting? This is my take on what might have happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	YOU, Suppress Those Sparkles!

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** YOU, Suppress Those Sparkles!  
>  **Fandom:** KAT-TUN  
>  **Pairing:** Kame x Jin (and a random Ryu/Hayato moment)  
>  **Rating:** PG  
>  **Genre:** Started off as comedy, but boy did it get angsty fast! Beware of excessive mushiness.  
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine, damnit.
> 
> Do I really believe that Akame are secretly having the affair of the century and are keeping it quiet under orders? Probably not, but I like to think that they're happy together in some way, whatever form their relationship takes. They really do sparkle at each other.
> 
> If the title seems strange, watch any of the JE guys when they're quoting Johnny. It's always "YOU blah blah blah..."

When Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin got called into Johnny's office *again*, no one was expecting it to be good news. T-TUN hovered anxiously in the corridor, desperate to find out what was going on, and pounced on their bandmates the second they emerged from the proverbial lion's den.

"What did he say this time?" Nakamaru leapt in first.

Jin, who was looking uncharacteristically gloomy, addressed his reply to somewhere in the vicinity of his own boots. "He told us to stop "sparkling" at each other."

"You guys weren't playing with your lighters again, were you?"

Kame shot Taguchi a withering look. "No, he wasn't upset because he thought we were going to set fire to our costumes, as tempting as that idea is, but because apparently, we're too close."

Koki snorted. "Of course you're too close. What do you think that photographer was angling for with the bed shoot?"

"There won't be any more of that." Jin sounded heartbroken. "Final warning. We have to keep our distance, or it'll be bad for the group."

"It's fine to make fans *think* you're a couple, but don't let them find out it's true." Ueda summed up the situation neatly. "Because then they don't have any hope for themselves."

"But it's not like we date our fans!" Jin burst out. "And I don't see what's wrong with showing that we're friends. Just look at Arashi!"

"I think you have to have been debuted for a few years before they let you reach that level of fanservice," Nakamaru said.

"And we haven't even debuted yet." Ueda looked at Kame, knowing full well that KAT-TUN's youngest member would do almost anything to further his career. "What are you going to do?"

Kame shrugged. "What *can* we do?" he said bitterly. "We'll just have to stop hanging out in public, ignore each other on-stage, and if we absolutely have to talk, keep it formal and polite. Then maybe they'll finally let us debut."

"But..."

"Don't worry." Ueda pressed a comforting hand to Jin's upper arm. "You can fanservice with me instead."

Jin looked from Ueda to Kame, who was quietly seething, and back to Ueda again. "Can you dye your hair red?"

"Don't push your luck, Akanishi."

"This could work," Koki speculated. "We mix it up a little, make like there's some kind of cold war going on. It'll make us seem edgy."

"No, it'll make us seem like we don't want to work together anymore." Jin slumped against the wall. "I don't want to have to ignore Kame."

Kame brushed Ueda aside and put his hands on Jin's shoulders. "It'll only be in public," he said gently. "Not for real. You can do it - just pretend that I...uh," he racked his brain to come up with something suitably appalling. "I kicked a puppy."

"Kame-chan!"

"No, I didn't *actually* do it, idiot, just pretend that I did. And then you won't even want to look at me, right?"

"I'm not sure that making Akanishi want to kill you is what Johnny-san was aiming for," Taguchi commented.

"I'm not doing it." Jin was adamant. "We've been friends for years! They might as well tell me to not see Yamapi ever again!"

"I don't think they're worried about cross-group fanservice. NewS has enough member-love of their own, they don't need to steal ours." Kame leaned closer, letting his hands slide from Jin's shoulders to meet round his back. "But we have to keep ours a secret."

Ueda stared dubiously at them. "I'm not sure how long the secret's going to last if you two start making out in the corridor."

Kame withdrew his hands so fast it made Jin's head spin. He took a deep breath, held it for five, and released it slowly, trying to choose his next words with care. "Jin, I'll tell you when it's all right to stop but for now, what you need to do is pretend I'm not there."

What Kame was conveniently trying to ignore was the fact that Jin was useless at pretending anything - everything showed on his face, plain as day. He couldn't fake an emotion he didn't feel, and if he tried to feign otherwise he only ended up staring blankly, unsure how to proceed and worried that he might do the wrong thing.

Because it hadn't mattered, when they were little. They could do as much dumb stuff as they liked and it made good television. But now they were developing this _image_ , becoming smooth and professional, with just a hint of roughness around the edges, and they couldn't mess around like kids anymore.

Kame was becoming more polished than any of them, shining brighter by the day. It was going to be soon, their debut - Jin could feel it - and when it happened, everything was go to go crazy. He wanted to be able to share that craziness with Kame, for the two of them to be able to grin madly at each other in interviews, to celebrate their success with a quick hug for the cameras, to talk easily with warmth in their words.

But that couldn't happen anymore.

"I can pretend," Jin said thickly, blinking back tears. "I can keep a secret. But don't make it real."

"We won't," Kame promised him. "Nothing's going to change between us."

But that wasn't true.

\-----

KAT-TUN's debut was a complete success. Their careers took off at a dizzying rate, particularly Kame's, and suddenly nobody had the time to wonder, anymore, if things were all right.

At first, it had been almost like a game. Kame had been a much better player than Jin, but Jin had caught on, soon enough. How to sit right next to someone and pretend he wasn't there at all, how to laugh and not turn to share it. How to walk across a stage and never see each other, how to touch and tease anyone else - *everyone* else - but the person he wanted most.

They couldn't go out together anymore, not without the rest of the group or sufficient numbers that not even the most imaginative of fangirls could've called it a date. So they stayed home, both of them pretending it didn't matter, that the distance was on the outside and that nothing had changed between them.

Pretending that their packed schedules didn't cut into the brief moments they managed to snatch together, making every touch frantic and desperate.

Eventually, there was no more touching at all, and no talking either. Neither had the energy to spare, and for Jin in particular, the need to rest overwhelmed his need to be with Kame. He was so tired. Ignoring Kame in public was second-nature to him now, didn't require any real effort, but that didn't make it any less wearying.

And being shunned by Kame in turn...that was more draining than anything Jin had ever experienced. He was used to finding warmth and affection wherever he went: to have Kame look straight past him, and so easily, made his heart ache.

Their relationship became a long, dark tunnel, and Jin couldn't see the exit.

So he made his own.

\-----

Jin's return from LA was a wake-up call in a lot of ways, had an impact on a variety of people, but for Kame, it brought relief.

And hope.

It had been a lonely six months for both of them, though they'd probably spoken more than they had in the preceding half-year. Conversation had been strictly neutral, neither sure what the other wanted, so they gave nothing away.

The timing was bad. Jin came home in the middle of a tour, had to work like crazy to keep up, to learn new songs and steps and relearn those he'd forgotten. The media went mad, and even his breathing was done to a schedule. There hadn't been a moment to spare, no time to check, and though they interacted more in public than they had since their most recent warning, there was nothing excessive, no gesture too affectionate for greeting a long-lost bandmate.

But they couldn't continue like that forever.

Almost half a year after Jin's return, he confronted Kame. Enough was enough. Not knowing where he stood was painful, and he didn't want to prolong the sensation any more than he could help.

They sat at opposite ends of Jin's couch. The silence was oppressive; Jin didn't know what to say, even though he'd been the one to invite Kame over. He'd made the invitation easily enough, but was stumped as to where to go from there.

"Jin-"

"You said you'd tell me when it was all right to stop pretending," Jin blurted out. "Can we stop now, Kame? Do you think anyone's going to care if we play around on Cartoon KAT-TUN, or pose together for a photoshoot?"

Kame brushed his bangs aside and turned to face Jin. "Yeah, I think there are two people who'll care very much, and they're both in this room. But I didn't know..."

"Didn't know what?"

Kame sounded tired, nervous and wary - more or less like Jin felt. "I wasn't sure what you wanted me to do," he explained. "We weren't exactly seeing much of each other when you left, and since you've been back...I don't know.

"If you're asking me if I think it'll hurt our careers to start being friendly in public again, I can answer you. No, I don't think it'll be a problem now. We've both been promoted with the other members so much, it'd just look suspicious to keep us miles apart. We'll probably sell more merchandise that way, too."

The tension began to seep from Jin's shoulders; body parts he hadn't even known were clenched started to relax. "We can talk to each other again?" he asked hesitantly.

Kame grinned. "They can't stop us now, can they? We've got our own show. Plus, we've got a new single coming out, which means lots of TV spots. I think we can afford to relax a little."

Jin did, hugging a cushion to himself to conceal his amusement. Kamenashi Kazuya, the obedient, law-abiding, near-perfectly-polished idol, was suggesting that they ignore the warnings they'd been given! The very idea was enough to make Jin smile.

"Are you laughing at me behind that thing?"

"Um...no?"

"Liar." Kame reached across and pushed the cushion down far enough to reveal Jin's lopsided smile. "I made you laugh."

Jin's lips twisted into a smirk and he launched the cushion at Kame. There wasn't much force behind it, and Kame accepted it in good grace...then refused to give it back.

"Mine!" Jin protested.

"Then you shouldn't have thrown it at me, should you? You want it back? Come get it."

Never one to back down from a challenge, Jin made a grab for it. He ended up sprawled across Kame's lap, the cushion having taken a sudden dive to the floor.

"You missed," Kame observed.

Jin hastily scrambled away from Kame as if he'd been burned. "You did that on purpose."

"It really did slip out of my hands," Kame said, laughing.

Jin remained unconvinced. But whether Kame had thrown it or not didn't matter. Jin had more important things on his mind. Like, how Kame's hands had automatically reached for him, one moving to catch him round the waist and ensure he didn't fall off the couch altogether, the other to nest itself in his hair. Those touches, common enough, friendly enough, familiar enough...forbidden, forgotten and abandoned.

Until now. Maybe.

"Kame..."

Kame patted the space beside him and gave Jin one of the smiles he reserved for those moments when something happened to shake his poise, to knock him out of his smooth, effortlessly-professional mode and turn him back to the awkward, gawky kid he'd been when they first met. Jin liked those smiles.

It was Jin's apartment, Jin's couch - why should *he* have to move? But he did, because Kame was looking less certain of himself every second Jin hesitated and his hand was slowly withdrawing, retreating back into his sleeve.

"I still don't know what you want me to do," Kame confessed, seeming happier now that they were less than a finger's width apart. "You changed a lot while you were in LA. I don't know where to start."

"And you think I do?"

Kame shook his head. "Not really. I don't think you've changed *that* much."

Jin's attempt to look offended was spoiled when he caught Kame's eye and the two of them set each other giggling.

"I didn't invite you over so you could insult my intelligence!"

"If that was all you wanted, you could've invited Nakamaru instead," Kame agreed.

But there was nothing that needed fixing about Jin's relationship with Nakamaru, or Ueda, or Koki, or even Taguchi. Not in the same way. He'd never received any warnings for messing around with them, not even when he'd gotten Koki to help out with his Pinky solo. If he and Kame had still been speaking at that point, he'd have been tempted to ask Kame to dress up instead - and offer himself in place of the chair that to this day, Kame still couldn't account for.

Of course, that would probably have earned them both a suspension. They'd seen what had happened to Uchi and Kusano, and neither of them wanted to go down that road. Compliance with Johnny's wishes was the only way for them to move forward, to rise higher and higher...and now that they had a little more breathing room, perhaps they could begin all over again.

"You're right," Jin said slowly. "I don't know where to start. So how about the beginning?"

Kame looked doubtful. "You want us to introduce ourselves?"

"Not that far back. Think about...hmm...bike rides. Coming over to my house to play. The first cigarette. Our first live performance as KAT-TUN. The first time we kissed."

Kame had been noting the list with no little solemnity, but the last item cracked him up. "You can't count that! Come on, we were in a tent in Okinawa! We were kids, it was an accident!"

"Some kid," Jin huffed. "You told me I tasted like the beach. And there I was, trying to be nice because we were stuck out there by ourselves and you needed somebody older to look after you. First you stole my body heat and then you nearly broke my front teeth when you turned round!"

"I admit, as first kisses go it could've been better." Kame discreetly transferred his left hand from his own thigh to Jin's; Jin pretended not to notice. "The second was an improvement."

A stolen moment on the Gokusen set - two boys, apparently asleep, napping under heavy coats in the backseat of a car. Nobody knew they were awake, talking nineteen-to-the-dozen because they were so excited to be there, to be working on a drama together. So nobody saw Odagiri Ryu give Yabuki Hayato a look so tender it could have melted the coldest heart, and the single kiss that followed had no witnesses.

"Should we start there?" Kame asked when Jin failed to respond. "Hiding under our jackets in someone else's car? Because that would definitely get us another warning - probably from the police!"

Jin rubbed his nose. If he'd had a plan, things would definitely not have been going in accordance with it. "Maybe not there."

"How about the first time we had sex?" Kame teased. "Sure, we might get some strange looks trying to check into the same hotel room given that we're not on tour right now, but if one of us cross-dresses..."

That was one memory Jin was perfectly content not to relive, thank you very much. He'd spent the rest of the tour wondering if anyone could tell, if any of the other guys had heard strange sounds coming from the hotel rooms he'd shared with Kame. They'd tried to be careful, but there was nothing like the high after a concert and it had been all too easy to lose themselves in each other.

"...or both of us, then we could go as a lesbian couple," Kame continued. "Schoolgirl and nurse, you think?"

"Not that either," Jin said firmly. "Tough, rock-loving bikers-"

"Who cry every episode."

"-should not be dressing up as nurses. Anyway, one look at your legs and they'd know you weren't a real schoolgirl."

Kame slipped into minx mode, clasping his hands together and pouting coyly. "But those nasty men shouldn't be looking at Kazu-chan's legs!"

"It scares me how well you do that."

"Not nearly as much as it scares salarymen."

"I'm not interested in the salarymen." Jin wasn't entirely sure about the direction his sexual preferences took but he knew perfectly well that the only time he'd want to swing that particular way was if Kame was wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. "How about...the first time you told me you loved me and meant it?"

"I always meant it," Kame said lightly.

Jin shook his head. "I don't think you did. I mean, I think you loved me in a lot of ways, like a friend or a sibling, but not like *that*. Did you ever say it?"

Kame looked down at his left hand, which had gone back to rest on Jin's thigh. He'd stopped smiling. "Once. The night we got our last warning. Do you remember?"

The memory wasn't buried deep - wasn't even that painful to recall, to Jin's surprise. He'd been shocked half out of his mind, and the other half was preoccupied trying to figure out why he and Kame were being singled out and forced apart. It wasn't like the rest of KAT-TUN didn't go in for the fanservice, after all. Kame had gone home with him that night, both of them still reeling.

They hadn't made love, hadn't even kissed, simply talked for hours. That was the last time they'd been able to tell each other everything. One night, one chance. They'd discussed how unfair it was, for their relationship to be used against the band, and reassured each other over and over again that nothing would change in private.

But neither of them said "I would give up KAT-TUN to be with you".

It wasn't a choice they could've made. They were in this together, and as part of KAT-TUN, they knew they were going to stay that way. Stay together, right to the top. They weren't certain enough to risk everything, not when they hadn't even debuted yet. Two young men, one not even old enough to drink? It would've been stupid, reckless, and more selfless than either of them had been capable of being.

Yet there had been an understanding, even if it had started to disintegrate by the next morning, slowly wearing away until there was nothing left but a distant acquaintanceship. Kame had stayed until dawn, snuggled under the blankets with Jin, still fully dressed. He'd left when the first rays of sunlight were strong enough to show the tear tracks on both their cheeks, and his parting words had been a whispered, "I love you."

Jin hadn't said it back. He'd tried, but Kame had been out the door before he could work up enough moisture in his mouth to speak. He recollected the moment well, though.

"Yeah, I remember. I believed you then."

"I think it was the first time *I* believed me, too," Kame admitted. "It didn't feel real until they told us we couldn't be together - and then I knew it was real, because if it hadn't been, it wouldn't have hurt so much."

Jin swallowed hard. His throat felt as dry as it had after talking till dawn. "Can we...start from there?"

Kame glanced at his watch. "It's definitely late enough."

"And it's winter now. Dawn's not so early."

They'd been sitting too long; an unsteady Kame took Jin by the hand and slowly got them both to their feet. Jin's bedroom was mere steps away, not far enough to walk out the sleepiness in their legs.

"If we're both still awake, we can watch the sunrise, but I'm not leaving at dawn this time," Kame vowed.

"Try it and I'll tangle you up in the blankets so badly you'll never get free."

Kame reached the bedroom door first and turned round to smile. "I can think of worse ways to spend my weekend than lying in bed, talking to you."

He certainly had enough to say, after all. There was no point in apologising for something they'd both agreed to, but being ignored by Jin had caused Kame as much pain as he'd caused Jin - he'd just hidden it better. Kame didn't know if one night was going to be long enough for them to work things out...but it was long enough for them to try.

And when they were nestled together under the covers, lights off and limbs growing comfortably numb in a peaceful, quiet embrace, they started from the beginning.

 _"I love you..."_


End file.
